.......

i told u. dont burst my bubble. i told u it was fragile. nah. i didnt tell everyone. i cant blame u all for doing that. i waivered. totally. usually i waiver only in the morning..usually i compose myself in 10 mins. today during night study.. i gave in. i really tried to be fine. really. guess it was just too much. i did prep myself for it. but i guess the prep was not enough. no i cant let myself go down again.. really. theres no time. gene,kelvin, guang. really sorry. i cant believe the tears just flowed. precisely, i'm a bubbly person. how did u all do that.. now and God.. i dont mean to curse. but WHY MUST U DO THIS AGAIN? everything u all said was right. i mean its true that i lose out in many ways.i mean i'm really just me as compared to her. i know u all didnt mean to say all those. but some just prick right through that fragile bubble..i wouldnt had minded the change.. but it was the change that happened too fast. less than one day was enough? i guess.. thats just how significant i was. i backtrack and look at these entries of a person's blog. i guess.. thats exactly how i feel. every single entry seemed like how i feel. i guess how u felt was bad too. i guess.. this should be what u really deserve. its painful to be stuck in that situation. i understand that theres nothing called a perfect ending. theres always a person who would be at a lost. yup. although.. i really wish to know whether the no came first or the thing happened first.. i guess.. the thing happened first. because.. it really seemed so. i guess its a blessing i didnt say the yes. i guess the yes was no longer important by that time...it doesnt matter or just complicate matters. nothing does. somehow everyone was right.. stop bothering to fake it.. just when i was really feeling better.. i had to learn this. really... its not what happened that make me sad.. its who and how fast it happened. i was caught unprepared. mentally weak and unprepared. thats y i burst out.. gene is right. own ppl now kena own. true wad. wad goes round come round. owned. things will really never be the same. how can they be. i guess serxing was right.. the 3 ppl i met in my life had been jerks. cant believe i was still arueing with her that the 3rd wasnt.. a moment ago i was still telling her..that the 3rd was different. mm. i guess. shes still right. why am i crying.. cos life is not fair? i really dont know. just full of lethargy. wheres the strength to go on..i hope this doesnt affect me. ya right. stop lying. for once its hard. is it worth it? no. but still it flows. gal ah. you're so dumb. why did i not listen to john? .. its no time for regrets. i knew it... i guess.. its enough for me. theres already the hardest barrier around me ever.the layer gets thicker each time i guess. okay. i admit it. i'm not all that strong. its a dumb day today. but i realised god did prep me. from the moment i pick up my friends ipod stupidly. of all things i had to hear that song. are u dumb or wad celeste. u pICK THE IPOD UP. i'm sorry to my class girls because with immediate effect i walked away from the table in the middle of the convo. sorry ppl. things just isnt smooth in my life now. *prays* this bubble is broken once again.. how.. why is it that fragile... once again.. is it worth it? .. mm.. for one.. it really hurts..is it because i know the person? =\ nevermind. its all about fate timing and how things were handled. i'll repair this bubble myself. i'm just running out of time but i will do it. the least u can do.. is to make sure.. u dont ever repeat this... to her.

i lost it totally today.

gene,kelvin,guang.
i really know it wasnt on purpose. really sorry for losing my cool there.
i guess u make me realised something. i'm not all that strong.
but yup, thanks.


hereby.. i apologise for those who caught me when i spaced out.
not answering u when i'm distracted,
looking a bit lost..
because..
i guess...
i am.