i'm back

heh. yes! ah yi is right. its time to move on =D yup.. thanks for ALL the tags ppl. hee. i want to announce something "i'm back!" yup. serious! i'm glad i didnt give up on God. and neither did He give up on me =D God showed me something.. that i no matter how tough life is.. just pray on... u really need faith and hope.. and lots of love from friends to get through it. well.. let me spread this love God gave me. i'm not sure if i can really express how it feels but i shall try my best k? Waking up on a Saturday morning probably be a drag for me. buT, today i woke up nort feeling all the horrible emotions i had been feeling. its a very special feeling that filled my heart. its not the kind of feeling that u have after your friend cheers u up or after u hear a motivational talk on even not the kind of feeling after i receive a lollipop. its just.. plain peace in my heart. oh well.. the feeling grew throughout the day.. it got stronger and stronger.. *fast forwards* at night i was in the car on the way to the airport to pick my sis. look up at the sky i tried to find stars.. mm.. a starless night. suddenly the feeling struck again! heh. this time a thought came to my mind.. mm.. strangely i felt loved. lol. yup its the same smile i had a month ago when i first knew... but this time the feeling of love is different.. its.. special. and i knew it came from God. LOL.serious. from that instant i knew, i had came out of the whole thing victorious because of God's love. =D i couldnt stop smiling from that instance onwards... and i know.. for one.. Celestine is back. =D hee.. thank God. i was this close to giving up on myself, this close to give in to fustruation and i guess..i'm glad i held on to my prayers. maybe i should give some credit to the shop owner i met tat morning. she suddenly talked to me and said.."are u a christian? mm.. and she talked to me about prayers..and chances God gave her" it was random.. but i believed it was planned.. to keep me in check. heh. one more person to give credit to.. its random but i believed planned.. yup its Ming jie's sms.. it went.."No grumbling of your life k? U r a child of God.. must believe that God create you for a reason k?" mm.. something very simple but it was one of the things that kept me thinking. because it was when i was at my bottom tat this sms coming from u made a difference =D bleah. i knew it i'm blessed. oh ya. and Yixin, who just yesterday told me to read my bible to gain mind strength. heh. okay. very good.in my heart theres now 3 bubbles. =D the first had hardened long time ago and was sealed by God's love. its a bubble that even if u prick it it does not bursts. the next bubble is also sealed.. people from outside cant prick it because i sealed it using bad memories.. yup. but somehow only the bad memories inside that bubble can prick itself out. but with God's love i hope it doesnt burst. heh.i'm very glad once again God sealed the third bubble. though the difference is the third bubble has just been sealed.. abit fragile there.. so i just have to ensure no one pricks it =D heh.. cool analogy there ya.. well anyway, with this, i keep this thRee bubbles at the bottom somewhere under and i'm gg to FOCUS! ha. dont get in my way or i'll... whack ppl. =D yupyup. i'm really back for once. now.. i dont know what can demoralise me. heh. such a big change. i thank God. just a week ago things were different. but suddenly i'm back. stronger than ever. *side tracks* i LOVE MY SISTER. she bought me sO many things from Australia. sO much food! and Chocolates! and even my NEW BAG =D so sweet yah? how can i not get cheered up man.. heh. i saw my little niece today.(cousin's child hor) heh. she's sO kawaii.. sO cute.sheesh. so nice to pinch. =D now.. back to topic.. ppl.. so, when you're down, never forsake God. take some time off, say a prayer. i think God trialed me to see my faith. i'm glad and proud to say. i had enough faith to get through this. once again, i love my friends... to guang! "long time" never eat together.. to shao wei.. heh.u did contribute to my cheering up too.. to RAF..ur BOOK!.. to ahyi.. I"M BACK.. to mingjie.. million thanks. oh ya.. to esther mei.. miss u.

i'm ready to strong enough to fight whats ahead.. =D
come on .. lets fight it together ppl..
now u understand what is when shares drop to the bottom where it cant go lower it can only rise.. just like how my mood can only drop this much to the lowest hit bottom and now it rises so now can earn money ;) heh.. rah. i'm crapping =D

God knows.

heh.rah. still the struggle up in my mind. i'm TIRED! oh well.. lets start bout yesterday.. i almost destroyed myself! was looking ard for mr PAIK poH leong for my portal testimonial thing.. AND I COULDNT FIND HIM AND I COULDNT SAVE IT! *fustrations* =x plus i was just totally fustruated spending 30 mins just WALKING AROUND pj when i had homework to dO! *totally pissed* and irritated and disturbed, i sat down at study area to do my compo. RAH. writers' block. i couldnt think! okay plus the fact my brain was quarreling..the right brain said "cool down" the left said.."tear it up" ha.. machiam watching tv show u see this devil and angel quarreling.. LOL! drama man. but seriously thats been gg through my mind for the past few days to an extent that i'm kind of so tired. yupyup. just when my right mind was about to give in and my hands was bout to tear that stupid compo. i guess God knew i was at breakdown pt.. he sent the right person at the right time with the right thing. =X yup i know. its just that split minutes of peace that my left brain totally admitted defeated and let peace take my mind..yup. cant believe it.. i asked myself is that really what sO easily sooth u? of course it didnt take super long before another debate on whether i should let myself be so easily sooth arise.. hah.. my right brain accepts the serenity happily.. but the left logical brain said..wake up la.. how long are u gg to get sooth this way..i thought the left made more sense this trip. =X i should stop letting my emotions get affected by that. but rah. stupid. how come it takes just a lollipop to totally give me that peace.. conclusion comes: i'm dumb.or maybe God knows that if that lollipop didnt come, i probably tore up my compo. =X who knows.. oh well. WAKE UP GIRL u have to be more independent than that. rah. lol. dont know if u can see the pattern here.. but my blogging also have split thinkings already! *RoAR*.. i must say my mood now goes UP DowN uP dowN uP down all in ONE dAY. simply because i'm too easy to sooth. once it hits the bottom i cheer myself up once again.. and easily~ but still.. i'm feeling tired of doing so. i can feel it. so i wonder how long can i last.. =\ God really knows it i guess.. he always send the right person.. mr yeo's talk was motivating as usual. it always come at the right time.. always the time when i hit the bottom. i remember the last time too. yup. focus. still.. i'm already worn out.. lost.. unmotivated..stressed.. and tired... hai. went to run today.. really felt great. i remember how i got through that sad period 3 yrs ago and still focus.. its cause of bball training. it really pushes u to your limit. i always had thought this in sec school. i never believed in cannot doing anything.. its mind over matter. when i run i push harder because its all in the mind. theres no such thing as cant do. i always related this to studies. thats how i perserved to the end.. thats y i went to run today. i was looking for that mindset.. its lost but i want to find it. i believe in pushing to the limit... reminds me of staircase training, pushing me to climb all the way to the top of the stairs. i want to do that. yup. the run relieved stress.. but i still need more chocolates i think. to cheer me up! yeah.. walked home with a lolli in my mouth today.. i dont know why it doesnt rain when i want it to.. it was just a windy day. well.. with that lolli in my mouth, i knew it.. i was already addicted to the soothing feeling and sweetness it had in my mouth. it made me feel better but its just something short term. after i finish it.. the taste is gone.. yup..another analogy from me the ex-lit student.. doesnt it sounds like something? ha.. well.. but i concluded.. the vanilla lolli is not nice.=p yah buddy? mm.. no matter what life does goes on.. want to thank Hsu ming jie for listening to my non-stop singings and nort asking wad happened plus really motivating me. =pP and just being there~ thanks to pris who was there too~ Su xian who i miSs u loads..~ John Guang.. usual lah. million thanks~ fel,mabel for the run~ yu lun for the tag~yixin for the small talk, mr yeo for his talk.. and the person with lolli which came at the right time =\..lastly, HEW YIN HOU! ha. happy birthday yin hou. sorry that i was at my bottom when it was ur birthday, didnt wish u but made it up by meeting up with u yah? you've been a great sec school pal ever =D really.. lets muG together when we got time~ =D God bless ppl.. yup. pray that i can last on.. really..

some random thought from mr yeo there( cant remember the exact)

why does ppl fall?
heh.. well.. u fall so u can pick up all over again

perserve. dont give up. press on. remove distractions.
focus. discipline.
mr yeo said 77% of our thoughts are negative. now i know why my right brain tires out easily! cos its only 23% fighting that 77% but i believe as much as my brain lasts.. i will press on.. but if.. one day.. when i'm at breakdown pt.. and snap..(nah that wouldnt happen because i know God knows.)He trials me but he would not let me do so... *oh sheesh* get what i mean by split thinking? =D

something more random here..
do u know.. i can fake it well but my weakest pt is my eyes. rah it tells everything. i havent figured how to cover it. but i guess someone who looks straight into my eyes can tell alot. maybe thats y i dont usually look into ppl's eyes recently =pP

LOL. i'm tired of life =D nah. its just a random statement. ever wake up daily fighting with ur own emotions. damn tiring. its like your mind just quarrels with one another. its really tiring..hah..everyday has became a "fight negative thoughts" day. no motivation.. or just to tired to preoccupy my mind with one. heh. rashes are poPing up. doctor says its stress~ i cant say much bout that. u cant make me fight stressed when i'm already fighting myself =D finally chatted with xian. thanks for the card in the locker. brightened up whatever left of my day. yup. nowadays i seldom bother hiding the fact of being distracted. or maybe lack the ability to. Shao wei reminded me.. i remember saying i'm always a kai xin guo..always happy go lucky..where did i lose that to...lessons + remedials are filling my days.. but still the lack of motivation factor. mm.. the whole thing is so ironical. serious! even thinking it out loud makes me feel dumb.. i dont seem to feel God.. through my prayers.. for once.. but as they always say..theres always a purpose. but before my left mind destroy my right mind or vice versa.. i pray i'll be enlightened. recently been walking home frm school.yeah. usually only do it when i'm sad. praying that it would rain while i walk.. walking in the rain makes me feel better~ walked hm today.. distractedly.. walked pass the coffee shop.. suddenly this kuku bunch of SECONDARY SCHOOL GUYS.. listen carefully its SEC SCHOOL.. they tried to ka jiao me. make funny noises den call me den still say dono what "ni ma.." or some crap. wah. i was quite scared that i just walked on. but seriously i would had turned around diao them and say. haLLO I"M OLDER THAN U~ *flash my ez link* i'm 18~! rah. get a life. i never knew there was such people still existing in Singapore. i thought only olden day had. kuku bunch of teck whye sec kiDS! sigh.yi xin and zavier said i look pale.. i ate my breakfast yesterday and puked it out. i ate popiah the day before and puked it toO! not that i did it on purpose.. it disgustingly came out of my mouth. i think i'm stressed. =)but all in all i must say i'm a good faker~ =D because i can still fake fine! its a hard skill k~!ha.. tired lah. dont know when i can last until.. also dont know what happen when one side of my brain defeated the other. i hope its the victorious side that win. because one wrong move.. .. .. k la. i treat that things are getting better because even though 5 days straight of water but the frequency has been getting lesser.. heh i can only say rao le yi quan i'm back as square 1.. same as 3 years ago.. the day i told myself i wouldnt let myself cry easily ever again. LOL what happened this time girl.. =D
nice shouting song.

The Other Way
Weezer

I wan't to help you
but i don't know how
i wan't to soothe you
but i can't speak out
i have many fears
about rejection
i have many memories of pain
i have always been a bit too shy
so i'll turn and look the other way

[chorus:]
other way
other way
i will turn and look the other way

i wan't to hold you
but i am afraid
i wan't to touch you
but i'm not that way
i have many doubts about my motives
i have many fears about my breed
i have always hurt the women i love
so i'll turn and look the other way

[chorus:]
other way
other way
i will turn and look the other way

[guitar solo]

i have many doubts about my motives
i have many fears about my breed
i have always hurt the women i love
so i'll turn and look the other way

[chorus:]
other way
other way
i will turn and look the other way
other way
other way
i will turn and look the other way
other way
other way
i will turn and look the other way
other way
other way
other way
other way. (wayyyy)

THATS WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR

And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you

And if I should ever go away
Well then close your eyes and try
To feel the way we do today
And then if you can remember

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

Well you came in loving me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way I thank you

Oh and then for the times when we're apart
Well then close your eyes and know
The words are coming from my heart
And then if you can remember

(this song's really meaningful i think =X)

yup! two meanings to this songs i guess.. at least for me. i shall only eleborate on one. thats the chorus~ seriously a zillion words wouldnt explain how greatful i am to John =D really ah. thanks buddy. i dont think i would had picked up that fast without what u did. it made me realised seriously this phrase "thats what friends are for". REALLY. From taking time off to cheer me up.. talking some sense to me.. attemPting to get drunk..knock on the head to walk straight.. pat on the shoulder to stop my "raiN".. going saN xin at chinese garden..climb some kuku seven pagoda, see some good view, walk freaking far round chinese garden, came to this i think v pretty place (where the rocks were carved with chinese worDs of love greetings and the saGa seed tree),then through some chinese traditional house.. to crapping throughout all the way.. by the end of it, when u ended the day with "thats what friends are for" i totally got so motivated and touched. seriously,when i said that i'm sad that i'm dumb and life isnt fair.. i thought back and concluded.. i'm not thAt dumb (dont want to explain why) but life is fair, God still did bless me with great friends. i shouldnt be complaining..yup. its time to pick up. for all those ard me.. to edward who i'm really sorry i was irritated at that day.. u said on monday wear my tie, jump 3 times and sms u i'm fine. okAY. i promise monday.. no more drowning.. i'm gg to use 1 thought to cancel the rest of the memories.. its causing an internal conflict in my mind but i'll try to be determine. to pris and teckming who i went tution with.. i think i was freaking quiet for once.. really sorry i guess..~ to mummy who i dao that day.. to xian who misses me!! =D to ahyi ahma and many.. anD TO LUNCH BUDDY AH GUANG.. to fel biao jie. yup.. and i guess.. to u..and i believe alort more.. if i dont pick up and study hard from now on, i'm wasting your efforts.. once again.. thanks for pulling me out of sinking~..

i end with this thing i saw on my church friend's nick..

"though at times my heart would break,
theres a purpose in everything he makes,
for i know God makes no mistakes"

The words are meaningful.. this is kawaii.. yup. used it 3 years ago. cant believe i'm using again. celest.. u dumb or what..  

BLESSED BIRTHDAY TO JOHN AND JOSEPH~!
heh.. whee.. lets start the day with the day before..MONDAY! after school went to eat lunch with John and Guangyi.LOL. we stunt after that. told John that we were going home. den when he went up the MRT station i met Guang at the control again =D heh..well.. we walked the pasarmalam.. saw thiS M16 toy gun wanted to get~its 28+ lah.. so ex. so not worth! kids nowadays.. dono play wad der. =pp so went to look at jerseys instead! no John's fav GErmany jersey!! den went to walk lot one.. nOTHING TO GET HIM STILL!! heh.. so we waited for Fel to end school before we took a MRT to Jurong pt.(didnt dare to go causeway lor.scared see john or joseph) lol. we walked at jp for wat called AGES!! from top to bottom to top to bottom.. STILL NO IDEA! *panicks* and *sian* and tireD! heh.. suddenly guang said "JOHN SAID HE WANTED A WALLET REMEMBER" and i went "OH YA!" and fel went "@#$% never say earlier!" heh..and so we got John a wallet..(which almost was decided by scissors paper stone) bleah. finally settled john's der.. now it was already 7PLUS! and we needed to get Joseph pResent! lol. in the end i didnt share.. but i got him a windchime and towel~ yupyup....... end my blogging on that here.~
21/07
mm.. to my dearest 2 lunch buddies.. totally thanks for being there when i'm down. LOL. as i say.. its nort u both that made me cry though i almOst would had in the canteen but whee.. i cool down~! yabber.. cannot believe it. i hate crying and i dont der lor.. ;) but oh well.. LEAVE IT TO GOD.. i cant do much really.. guess wad john said make sense.. time.. TimE~ time.... timE~ and of course also on the other fact that i would feel guilty so easily or something..ROAR. anyway, great cheering up there. i know u all trying to crap with me. bleah. heh.. and tried to make me gorge food ah.. i wanted to puke ler loR~ so much for eating something "light" only huh! yupyup! ha..its true lah.. hit the bottom ler lah.. nothing can get worst den this right =D i can survive this den poWER ler lor... just cant believe i let myself falll laaa.. thats y i'm pissed.. wiTH myself. derh~ its gg to get harder and harder to fall with each time. but some dumb girl there~ trip and fell into this hole again~ realising she has to climb out herself aGAIN!! dumbo. why start den.. guess sometimes u cannot blame that my ability to fall take a bit hard.. but when i do den i fall deEp bah~ dumBO~~~ =D mug lah.. its time to mug.. mug out of the hole lor.. ;)i borrowed a THICK physics book to indulge in =D

Once A COuncillor always a councillor

LOve u LOADS my dearest 6th COuncil. i had to blog about investiture. its just so touching and stuff.. where shall i start. The day has finally came. we knew a year ago that this day would come. now that its really here. we were all feeling sad and excited. Been a great term together with my 6th council. we're really the NOisiest bunch of councilloRs. Serious! even when we were getting ready for our entrance, we never stopped talking! ha.talkative bunch of us.well.. the enterance of 6th council was brief yet it left memories.. we entered and we left the stage. really marking the end of our term. the video done by Hu gang definitely brought tears to the councillors especially the girls..MEl was sobbing behind mE!! and quin,lixin.. many others were all sniffing.. i must admit.. me too.. to feel such a way, i must say 6th has really a BIG part in my life.and a big impact too.after invest we hugged each other repeatedly, took photos with everyone. really.. words cant describe this vibrant funky cute cuddly bunch of 6th. i received alot of presents from the pics letters by Su,Karmun,lishi,laiyan,the really touching letter from lunch buddy joHN and yuP FEL's SWEET gift! many many others.. yup. NO REGRETS BOUT MY COUNCIL TERM.i'm proud to be a councillor.heh. =D this follow by BBQ day on friday.. whoo.. it was great.. i really will miss the 6th...well.. bbq had gifts from the juniors..liked the scroll by my esprit co juniors.. esp touched by wad sheekwang wrote =D heh.. well.. and thanks to pamela,mentee, mortal... blah blah.. and~! TO laiyan ah yi..thanks for being there when i'm sad.. making me promise nort to be sad and cheering me up.. thanks to ah ma for the biscuit to cheer me up.. and thanks to mummy for the snacks too.. 3 of u never fail to crap me up too =D love u all LOAds. touched by all the actions u all always did =D heh.. anyway, 6th and 7th really rocks. i hope the passion will go on.. well.. i spent my time talking to my fellow esprit co juniors. i hope i managed to inspire u all.. esp SHeEkwang! think bout what i said ba =D yup.. lOVES 6th .. and 7th. well.. today went out with JIa Xin,Zester,Keat KEe,Weiquan and Khaiboon. small 04 gathering! they wanted to go to k box though.. hah though not a fan of k box.. but oh well.. i REALISED its quite fun after alL!!! =D had a great time catching up with them.. haha.. we realised out of 6 of us.. 3 is JJC and 3 is PJC! sadly.. Ben didnt come..=X.. guess.. he didnt want to see us bah.. oh well..=X heh.. anyway, after that we went to take neoprints with Khai boon making noise cos he didnt shave =pP heh.. FUN DAY~ anyway, did this DISC test on friday during assembly.. i was a high I and high S person.. quite true lah.. i de stress by motivation from ppl and talking it out. =D thats y everyone's motivation to me its important.. i realised its quite reflective of me.. hah.. the tips is "dont just sleep on your problems.. it doesnt goes away.. and it states that i like to do that" cough. i must say. thats so true. =X heh.. anyway.. huat ah. sister gg australia this tuesday. gg to be boring at home~! anyway, lucky i didnt forget.... HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY TO DEAREST DISCO JUNIOR EXCO'02 dearest DISCO EXCO'03 ....drum rolls... ANG JIN HUI~ =D meet ya on .. hopefully mOnday to pass u ya presents ba..=D

ppl whO surpriSed baDak 

suShi buffet with lunCh buddies 

minGjie (height diff) =pP 

deS and ceLeste 

dasen and his "xiaoxi" 

LuNch buDdiEs 

05S12 at town 

heh.. joHnny act cUTe.the rest CUTE=p 

neOprinT oRcharD outinG 

05S12 at faJar! 

iVAn pinK(he declares not pink) room 

hApPy BaDaK! 

BirthDay surPrisE cakE foR iVan-badak 

heh.. excel day GRouP. 

at fajar sEc 

Ms Kelly Chong -Gp teacher~ 

boo.

thank u ming jie..=D it helped. it made sense too. as always.. yeah.moe excel fest successfully ended. rushed back to school for invest prac but it was already oVEr..yup.scanned ard.. but no one seemed free..yeah.mummy was busy..ahyi ah ma..was gg hm ba,fel was busy playing cards,lunch buddies busy kicking soccer..serxing was at town.called gene and he sounded tired.. yeah. so decided to just loiter myself..yupyup. need to rejuvenate the remaining 1/3 of moodswing left... walked till Cashew garden.. to find a swing! lol. yeah. from school i strOlleD there neh! rah. independent. i'm trying to! but i realised... its too late~. lol. rah. now that mj had consoled 2/3 of my troubles.. who's going to help me with the other 1/3?? ha. no one can help la.. well.. anyway.. came to post alll the pictures~~! GERMANY must win~ i played a game with teckminG! germany must win~

rant rant rant....

....i declare tired. had a long day.. and i know my mood did not get better. its one of the times i didnt really bother hiding my mood. by the end of moe excel fest and invest prac i was already half zombified. just tired, fustruated, troubled at Goodness i dont know what.. its just the u know something is troubling u but u dont know what. i didnt bother to smile much already by the end of the day. too tired. just when i was walking home.. jun hao's message came in.. of all time.. of all momment.. "Never say u're happy when u're sad,never say u're fine when u're not,never say u feel gd when u feel bad...* what a timely message..i just did all of above. sometimes his daily smses seem to come at the right time..mm..i still felt the same though. i just felt like throwing my bag..just felt like throwing my tandrum to the aIR,shouting at the air, just suddenly felt like going to my old house there to sit the swing.. yah.. i used to go there whenever i'm feeling down.. den i'll swing suPer high sUper hard hoping to feel better after that. nah. it was late. i dragged myself home with a super aching headache, fustration, hunger.. irritation..just stopping myself from swearing only...this is the start.. i know.. its just the start. its going to be a long week ahead.. and i know i should go through this myself..beginning to think i should isolate for a week. i didnt feel like replying smses. its not cos i dont want to its just i dont want to be mean. i know that with a mood like that i'm just going to rant and rant and rant...i did hope you'll be there.. but i just .. didn't feel ranting at u.. yeah..guess i just pretended as much as possible that i was fine.. i never did believe the ability to influence anyone ba.. maybe thats y i dont try to say anything even though i'm quite tempted to. took this survey today.. results was celestine had high people smart percentage but low myself smart. maybe that explains why i rather keep things to myself rather than saying? i'm in a super lousy mood.. i really wonder what would make this feel better..dont feel like talking to anyone dont feel like going for invest prac tml..dont feel like gg moe excel fest.. maybe its that splitting headache that is influencing me..(dont worry la.. judging from ben ren character tomorrow i'll still go looking alright). i know i can easily find lunch buddies to cheer me up..its not that u cant cheer me.. u're probably the best person to.. but i guess all the more i feel the hesistance to ask u to do so.. rah..its true lah.. its hard to start relying on something.. for the fear that one day i'll be over reliant.. maybe that creates the fear..yeah..independent. i thought i've debated and concluded myself on that? hai si jue de yi ge ren ku.. hao guo da rao bie ren.. =X sigh. john gg dota.. ah gong.. hopefully should be free tomorrow or not..mm.. once again..reliant on buddies' crap.. to stay a little happier..nah..i guess.. for once i should try to calm down myself.. go Interact and rant at the air aka san xing somewhere..feel like taking a bball find a court and just shoot non-stop..yeah..used to do that.. b4 going for moe excel and invest prac again tomorrow bah.. another long day..i'm feeling better ler.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to BADAK HIPPO HEHEBEI MA IVAN~ hehe brother... hope u liked the surprised we plan for u today.. u was touched yah?

everything came back to me. the same feeling. the lack of confidence.. the feelings i long forgotten how it felt. suddenly i just felt it. i hate it. its gg to come more the nxt few days when i get my results.. i hate it. i really hate it. i hate comparing. that nagging u gave just brought back my fear.suddenly that same feeling. no one will understand. i realised u never understood how its like to study. i wonder if u ever understand how i felt. i'm scared too. just because i look happy go lucky doesnt mean i dont care bout my results. i'm stressed too what. i just dont show it in front of anyone.. i hate it. i just started pouring again. the last time was during common test when i got my results.. a sense of dejavu... arGH i HATE COMPARING. ya..RAHHHHHHHHH ..... i HATE it that its raining.. over my bed.. i had a great day earlier today. but i've no mood to blog it now...supposed to be doing the script for excel day and a card for my friend..RAHHHH! God bless me through the nxt few days.celeste.. be strong.. be independant... its time u realised u cant rely on anyone..

TimE to thiNK

WeLL.. weLL... its time to start thinking about manY issues i'Ve chucked aside for the Hols so as to concentrate on my studies~. heh.. well.. sO many of them.. mymy.. where should i start. Firstly.. to serxing meiyi sam... meet up sOon k?... to Jun Hao,Jin Hui,JiaMin,SuXian,bballers..bp councillor.. miss u all.. to ZiChun whom i met during the hoLS. heh mISs your crap totally..!! yup! u made me say take photo in hokkien before u would take picture with me!! which u know my hokkien suckEd so i didnt get to take that pic with u =( heh.. meet up soOn i hopE! to jin Hui and lala whose birthday is coming..meet~! yup.. to 106,204,304,404... miss them too. TO heW yiN hou~ thanks for the short chat on msN.yup.blessed blessed blessed to know you. to edison di~ u disappEareD! to 05s12.. lets strive hard.. to ppl like Shirley,Yi Han,Gim,felicia, norman,zhanyue,ivan fiq... sorry for the ps here and there! lets strive hard for excel day!!!yupyup. thats for all the ppl i missed loads. phew..just chatted with this friend of mine.. =( felt a little sad.. brings back memories..i remember the times where the fear of when might be the day we lose u.. whether the toilet break might hurt u,whether u walk along the road and ... whether u do the things we worry about at home.. whether the nxt day we wake up and u'll be gone.. whether the nxt pe lesson u feel faint again.. whether u would hurt yourself when we aren't around.. whether your chinese grades would pull u down..yup.all those worries.. the chat with u.. made me felt.. maybe one day u'll no longer remember us..i didnt dare to ask what exactly happened.. but.. u told me your memory is failing.. i pray everything is all right.. i pray that the decision we make in the past was right.. i pray that u would not blame us for telling ur mum..its just the fear we had that made us do that.. mm.. i really hope u donot do the things u do still.. i still have that poem u sent us.. i wonder if u still remember.. anyway no matter what.. we'll always be here.. no matter what..! mm.. raine.. been long since i chat to her..wonder how is she too.. yupyuP! i thought of mingxuan recently too. when are we going to visit his grave =X no one is free to go now.. but i must always proclaim.. you're still always in our hearts on my mind =D and i know you're safe in God's hanDs! *yup..you're NOT forgotten* thats y i say.. now its thE tiME TO THINK! mm.. so many things.. well.. aha! i just had a lunch outing with JohN bUdDy cos guang was not free! heh.. we chaT alORT..but something u said spark my thinking about..somETHING. oh well anyway.. John 67% and growing..GO GO! =D heh.. yupyup.. its really nice havent a bunch of very good buddies like them.. LOL. can chat and cheer me up. i used to have zi chun and edi to crap last time. but they all seem busy now! ah.. yup.. theres still the forbidden issues i refuse to think about.. i mean..maybe its refuse to think bout it.. or i'm just being me.. i know running away is noRt a solution as my Biao jie will say.. but.. =X argh.. if i think of one i have to think of the other~ these two issues seemed link... ha.. i dont know.. i only can say.. i'm onE confused girl in that area.. suPer big dilema myself.. so.. how? =X God enlighten me. EnLighTen mE! heh.. but... i do have some contentions...somehow.. i feel.. we have the same character.. but doesnt that make me not ready for one? lol. i thought i concluded that i wasnt ready. because of my character noW!! now 2 of the same character might be worst? but den again.. two of DIFFERENT character is disastrous.. *as proven* ... LOL. Celeste.. Gives up.. time to think? bullshit la.. heh.. exam ended! curses excel day though.. sigh.. but oh well... TOMORROW GOING OUT WITH LUNCH BUDDIES =D sunday going out with pro co.. friday investiture practice... wheee.. im sO looking forward to them.. who wants to think *roar*.. celeste... over... and... out... oops.. cant deny i HaVe to think.(sAd ah.. GERMANY AND BRAZIL IS OUT!!! who shall i support now) =pP peoplE watch the match today!!!!!