God knows.

heh.rah. still the struggle up in my mind. i'm TIRED! oh well.. lets start bout yesterday.. i almost destroyed myself! was looking ard for mr PAIK poH leong for my portal testimonial thing.. AND I COULDNT FIND HIM AND I COULDNT SAVE IT! *fustrations* =x plus i was just totally fustruated spending 30 mins just WALKING AROUND pj when i had homework to dO! *totally pissed* and irritated and disturbed, i sat down at study area to do my compo. RAH. writers' block. i couldnt think! okay plus the fact my brain was quarreling..the right brain said "cool down" the left said.."tear it up" ha.. machiam watching tv show u see this devil and angel quarreling.. LOL! drama man. but seriously thats been gg through my mind for the past few days to an extent that i'm kind of so tired. yupyup. just when my right mind was about to give in and my hands was bout to tear that stupid compo. i guess God knew i was at breakdown pt.. he sent the right person at the right time with the right thing. =X yup i know. its just that split minutes of peace that my left brain totally admitted defeated and let peace take my mind..yup. cant believe it.. i asked myself is that really what sO easily sooth u? of course it didnt take super long before another debate on whether i should let myself be so easily sooth arise.. hah.. my right brain accepts the serenity happily.. but the left logical brain said..wake up la.. how long are u gg to get sooth this way..i thought the left made more sense this trip. =X i should stop letting my emotions get affected by that. but rah. stupid. how come it takes just a lollipop to totally give me that peace.. conclusion comes: i'm dumb.or maybe God knows that if that lollipop didnt come, i probably tore up my compo. =X who knows.. oh well. WAKE UP GIRL u have to be more independent than that. rah. lol. dont know if u can see the pattern here.. but my blogging also have split thinkings already! *RoAR*.. i must say my mood now goes UP DowN uP dowN uP down all in ONE dAY. simply because i'm too easy to sooth. once it hits the bottom i cheer myself up once again.. and easily~ but still.. i'm feeling tired of doing so. i can feel it. so i wonder how long can i last.. =\ God really knows it i guess.. he always send the right person.. mr yeo's talk was motivating as usual. it always come at the right time.. always the time when i hit the bottom. i remember the last time too. yup. focus. still.. i'm already worn out.. lost.. unmotivated..stressed.. and tired... hai. went to run today.. really felt great. i remember how i got through that sad period 3 yrs ago and still focus.. its cause of bball training. it really pushes u to your limit. i always had thought this in sec school. i never believed in cannot doing anything.. its mind over matter. when i run i push harder because its all in the mind. theres no such thing as cant do. i always related this to studies. thats how i perserved to the end.. thats y i went to run today. i was looking for that mindset.. its lost but i want to find it. i believe in pushing to the limit... reminds me of staircase training, pushing me to climb all the way to the top of the stairs. i want to do that. yup. the run relieved stress.. but i still need more chocolates i think. to cheer me up! yeah.. walked home with a lolli in my mouth today.. i dont know why it doesnt rain when i want it to.. it was just a windy day. well.. with that lolli in my mouth, i knew it.. i was already addicted to the soothing feeling and sweetness it had in my mouth. it made me feel better but its just something short term. after i finish it.. the taste is gone.. yup..another analogy from me the ex-lit student.. doesnt it sounds like something? ha.. well.. but i concluded.. the vanilla lolli is not nice.=p yah buddy? mm.. no matter what life does goes on.. want to thank Hsu ming jie for listening to my non-stop singings and nort asking wad happened plus really motivating me. =pP and just being there~ thanks to pris who was there too~ Su xian who i miSs u loads..~ John Guang.. usual lah. million thanks~ fel,mabel for the run~ yu lun for the tag~yixin for the small talk, mr yeo for his talk.. and the person with lolli which came at the right time =\..lastly, HEW YIN HOU! ha. happy birthday yin hou. sorry that i was at my bottom when it was ur birthday, didnt wish u but made it up by meeting up with u yah? you've been a great sec school pal ever =D really.. lets muG together when we got time~ =D God bless ppl.. yup. pray that i can last on.. really..

some random thought from mr yeo there( cant remember the exact)

why does ppl fall?
heh.. well.. u fall so u can pick up all over again

perserve. dont give up. press on. remove distractions.
focus. discipline.
mr yeo said 77% of our thoughts are negative. now i know why my right brain tires out easily! cos its only 23% fighting that 77% but i believe as much as my brain lasts.. i will press on.. but if.. one day.. when i'm at breakdown pt.. and snap..(nah that wouldnt happen because i know God knows.)He trials me but he would not let me do so... *oh sheesh* get what i mean by split thinking? =D

something more random here..
do u know.. i can fake it well but my weakest pt is my eyes. rah it tells everything. i havent figured how to cover it. but i guess someone who looks straight into my eyes can tell alot. maybe thats y i dont usually look into ppl's eyes recently =pP