MotivaTeD

yup! study! =D motivated ah..
thanks to DariuS =D
the nxt time u get out of camp and see my blog
=D xiE xie ler ah..
ha.. A A A!
nah... after ya guidianCe i shall start my plan
still havent really worked out a plan
but oh well..
MOTIVATED!
mmm..try try... =D
everyone seems so stressed.
esp serene..=X take care girl~
ha.. sometimes really cannot bie just Fa xie
recharge.. and go on! =D gogogo!
anyway, happy birthday to ser xing, ming jie, dasen biaoge.
=D 18 years old ler ppl...
take care ah~
to edward who came back to study today!
jia you too =D
ppl study hard ! =D

SupEr weeKends

GOSH! i had a super fun weekend! =D booo.. hai! hai!
nono.. i'm noRT sighing.. i've just been "japan"fied
heh. this what you get for having japanese staying over at your house!
the story goes.. my dad's friend had been over for the weekend.
well.. a japanese couple.. kind of old family friend who came to visit us.
so!! sO! conclusion of the weekend!
1)Japanese doNT lock their toilet doors *cough*
2)japanese and..underwear.. erm.. lets not eleborate
3) iiiikaaaaaddaakiimassssssss..... as how i pronounce
4) *bows* *bows*
5) try bringing them to BPP foodcourt
how i got my conclusionS shall noRT be elaborated here.
anyway, it was really cute.
did pick up some Hai hai! and some Japanese..
*bow* *bow*.. they love to do that!
heh.. i still could communicate with the guy though..
because he knew minimal EL.
and when u dont understand anything.. just say
"wakalimasen" in my way of pronouncing it.
=pP
ha. anyway, went out with my sis to watch the fireworks.
she brought me to NO signboard seafood at esplanade
ha.. i LOVE my sister.
its good to have an elder sis right?
=pP .. she treated me to yUMMy crabs. ahh..
heh..drove there and we ended up getting stuck in this BIG JAM!
anyway, we parked at SMU and walked to there.
ahh.. and.. i played "hai dai" with her bf in the middle of SMU. ya! cos my super curious sister had no clue wad that game is! yes yes. and she actually taPE it down.
DOTS! anyway. GREAT FOOD! great fireworks! =D
love it love it....
i shall poST the piCtures!
Hai! haI! kombamwa..
celestine san..end here! hai! haI! *bows*

JUNHAO

oo.. i must give special thanks.
to this special friend who never fails to sms EVERY NIGHT with his encouraging smses.
all the way since sec school.
every night without fail!!
through jc, army blah blah..
=D
your encouragements is always felt.
thanks peng you.

SettleD

heh. yabber yabber. the last of my worries had been settled.
i'm noRt going to mention what it is but anyway it is.
heh. my headache is gonE too! love it. =D
yi xin came over to my hse and cook today.
heh.. we were "aunt"ified
love it love it.
played piano for my biao jie to her
cooked for biao jie to eat
i know biao jie love it =D
went to watch firework with lunch buddies.
hah.darn. we went out that day to crap lah.
that day my jokes were so "cooL" lah..
whoo.. =D shucks. i became myself again.
why shuckS? cos i'm sO talkative again!!!
hah..keep talking.. den my dad in the car must be thinking i was so noisy.
anyway.. PRETTY FIREWORKS! i love it i love it.
bleah...I miss BP national day celebrations.
i miss the spirit there.
i miss BP cheer at the end of the event.
i miss cheering com there.
heh.. bleah... i miss bP.
mm.... i love tennis. i love tennis!
whee.. LOOKING FORWARD TO PE!!
shao wei and mummy gg to play tennis with me.
i love basketball too.. i tried to do full court in 5 bounce!!
whoo.. still can make it =D
i love it i love it.
mm... i'm starting to enjoy mugging.
yA! really! its a crazy feeling..
but i start to love studying...
i love it i love it.
mm..currently into my nEW craze..
trying to revive my old hobby..
bleah.. after i succeed den i'll reveal it =D
*mysterious huh* i love it. =D

.. bleah.. i dont care that i'm simple and naive.
i live life the way i want.
life is that simple.
my happy thought is keeping on cloud nine..
heh.. just that i shall the statement this trip.
=D
she's happy..
he's happy..
Celeste is happy!
life is that simple. =D

*yi xin is right.. i'm beginning to enjoy little little things in life that can amuse me and make me happy*
love it love it! =D

Conclusion of the day:
john was right....
"when u focus, the headache will be gone"
whee... it didnt find me today... i'm happy.
i focus! and i ate! and i smileD! and i studied!
and mOST IMPORTANT i got back my blush!
so happy.. to see the flush back on my face =D
heh. thanks lishi for the encouragement this morning.
sometimes i just feel like i've been wandering too long
too long too far. its time to come back.
heh. just suddenly felt so at "home" in the hands of lishi ahyi they all.
i really love the fartty family.
to daddy who supports me and let me scare him.
heh. i'm so gg to spend my time mugging with u all.
i just feel the warmth there. so sweet.. so.. familiar.
yup. one thing i've learnt is friend are always there.
to my dearest edi di too.. who so kindly offered his cutie jaz to pei wo.
yupyup.after all these years.. still these encouragements are filled with warmth.
i realised.. i kind of like this feeling.
though the lack of anticipation..
or the lack of the eagerness..
or the passion..
or the fun.. joy.. pain.. of waiting..
or pinning...
buT..
i kind of like the serenity.
=D
yup..
i had a random thought that was so comforting.
it was so comforting that i could kill all negative thought.
nothing else matters.
wad matters the most..
is that.
you're happy.
so i'm happy.
=D

mm.. before biao jie complains, i shall say..
thanks for being there too.
anyway, yup u have the wierdest way of making me feel better.
u will always ci ji me until i feel like either crying or piss off but i'll feel better after that.
guess you're right. i always never listen to u.
things been picking up here. studies been forming some shadows.
i guess i forgot bout this hidden ability i had.
the ability to practice selective remembering.
arh.. biao jie make me dig back to my memories again.
i dont like doing that. but thats the last of it.
ha. i love this feeling of selective remembering.
but somehow i regret erasing too much of my sec school memories last time.
i think i erased them till i couldnt find some of them.
i hope they dont happen this time. because i dont want to forget my friends.
heh. i have wonderful friends. =D
guess i've just one little worry on my mind now.
its to make her feel better. but to do that i've to be strong too.
i really want u not to worry so much okay?
i admire u because u dare to do the things i didnt dare to.
i wouldnt had done things the way u did.
but its because u were daring that i admire u.
and i do think u deserve it too =D
sometimes time plays such a big impact on issues.
i know if it wasn't so fast i probably felt better though.
but one day i'll look back and realised i'll be laughing at it.
heh.. but i wish u all the best. dont feel bad k.
i know you probably feel really pressurized but dont worry.
because its really not your fault =D
and i will be strong =D
looking forward to going out together.
i hope it makes u feel better.
~ =D
...Celeste...

quote of the day.
celeste said "i wish my headache will go away den i can focus"
john's reply "if u focus the headache will go away"
lol. mmm.. cooL.

smile

heh...
quote of the day by Mr Loke
"in tennis love is nothing, in real world love is blind"
heh.. cute quote.
i love playing tennis. its so fun!
mummy and Shao wei havent play with me yet!
mm..God, please make that splitting headache go away.
besides that splitting headache..i'm okay!
but as i said. xin ku mummy daddy john guangyi ahyi ah ma ....
because they actually have to "chill" me down before i can focus esp at late noon.
hee.. lunch buddies never fail to rock my life.
Friday lunch stayed in my stomach~ =D and subsequent ones ever since too~
i love staying at home recently. its so fun.
irony: i love weekends but i hate weekends
life is full of irony isnt it. =D
i've got a new found interest..
ha.. i cant stop singing.. sheesh.
and i suddenly fell in love with my piano again. =D
biao jie - i owe u a song there. =)
i want to learn the violin! after A's i guess..
hehe.. okay. i accept song choosing here...
u can tag wad song u want me to play on the piano.
i shall try to learn it =D
mmm.. or else i can sing it to u too =D
(heh.. mingjie i sing wonderfully right?)
=D thanks ser xing and wan ching for meeting today~
anyway, while serxing was "scolding" tuan yeow bout life,
something u said struck me.. heh.. u said he dont know how to think
17 years old still like that.
no focus in life, no aim in life, and you never get to repeat life again
we only have one chance to prove ourselves.. the A's. so dont screw it up ppl.
i dont want to see myself crying over results..
theres really no pt stressing up now. because stress doesnt help.
it only stops my ability of taking info in clearly.
heh.to Gene, come on. i know how u are feeling.
but hey. wake up. focus. dont dwell. move on. =D
i looked at my sec school pics.. couldnt stop making me smile.
it was the pics taken when 108 class celebrated their birthday for me,
times where junhao,chun,edi,suxian,wanmei,yeuai,meiyi...loads of ppl..
suddenly found that sec school power i think..
let me share this theory that i always hold true to my heart.
heh. i guess thats where my kai xin attitude came from.
for once i shall name this.. my theorem:

You smile not because u are forced to,
i smile beause i know a smile is contagious.
a smile sets the mood around u..u cheer ppl ard u up.
i smile because i know with each smile,
i making a difference in someone's day.
to be greeted with a smile u are replied with a smile.
therefore, pass the smile on.

ha.. i did stop smiling when i doubted my own ability of making a difference.
well.. =D but suddenly 108 that sec one class i mentored really spark my memory.
i remember the difference i made in their life. =D
so.. i want to say..
i still like to smile... from the bottom of my heart.. i smile.
*chops*
sealed my bubble with a smile. =D

//God pretty please make the pain on my head go away.. =D

*repair in progress*

*repair in progress*
the person is currently unavailable
cos she pon school.and stayed home and rest.
yupyup,i'm not supposed to get stressed as the doctor says.
because when i'm stressed i dont feel like eating! or i eat and puke!
so everyone repeat after me "i'm okay i'm okay i'm okay"
LOl. its became a usual routine to do that every morning anyway.
going to the cardioloist later.. to do my yearly check up.
mm.. i wonder if the doctor can find my heart this trip.
LOL. maybe he tries to listen and instead of double heartbeat he hears noNE!
heh. he's the heart doctor. hes' supposed to help me anyway.
maybe after the trip to the doctor i will at least know where is my heart
mm.. i can still crap. thats good.
yupyup. definitely need this day off.. a day off to rest.
LOL. i knew from the start.. fairytales doesnt exists. isnt that y john made this blog? =p
mm.. i really cant stick around and dwell..
because when u dwell u stay on the same spot. and walk in circles.
walk and walk and walk.. theres still no end..
focus...focus...focus...
i thought of why God did this... maybe..
He wanted to slap me awake.. =) he knows i'm dwelling...
guess he sent 3 ke ai ppl to "whack" me up.. poP up my bubble
so that i'm supposed to repair it up to be more... invincible.. right?
the nxt time anyone use a BIG knife the pop it also wouldnt break!
mm.. i suddenly thought of Ming Xuan.. so i went to take his book and read again.

"sometimes we are disheartened and wonder if our prayers are answered.. always trust that God knows our needs and our prayer fits into a bigger plan in His timing"
~ Ong Ming Xuan

mmm.. dearly misses him. but still even his book gives encouragements.
think about it.. he fought with cancer right to then end.. with God.
didnt i see how He made his life easier despite the painS?
how can i not trust God? He is there.
another quote
"You may not know where life's road will lead you but keep moving. God is walking wih you"

yupyup.
*repairs in progress* meanwhile...
please understand this little dumb girl for her mood swings..
mmm... why is life so complicated..
i love my blog song =D

oo.. the doctor certified wheres my heart.
its there.
yup. just another routined check. *checks*.. all ok.
so it proves its mental not physical.
i'm gg to run.. i'm gg to train.. train my mental strength.
shall start with climbing the stairs home =D 15 !
was doing maths..
i really concentrated! i was doing the questions!
i picked up my sis ipod..
plugs...hears the song.. *because of you*
*finish question 4*
*song ends*
ahhh...... y is my paper wet!!
*looks left* *looks right* *looks front*
nothing.
*looks up expecting the rain*
nothing
!!!! heres the riddle.. how did i drench my paper..
i know. conclusion: ipod is a bad omen =D
this is so kawaii...
heh.. this i worst than ten days ago..
can i pon school tomorrow again?
dont know how many friends out there will kill me..
but.. i dont feel like going to school any longer.
please please please.
bah. i'm guilty of lying. i said i'll get food on the way out.
but seriously nothing seem edible.
so i just skipped it.
i stared at the food and felt like puking..
for once, i know the meaning of eating for the sake of eating. =D

.......

i told u. dont burst my bubble. i told u it was fragile. nah. i didnt tell everyone. i cant blame u all for doing that. i waivered. totally. usually i waiver only in the morning..usually i compose myself in 10 mins. today during night study.. i gave in. i really tried to be fine. really. guess it was just too much. i did prep myself for it. but i guess the prep was not enough. no i cant let myself go down again.. really. theres no time. gene,kelvin, guang. really sorry. i cant believe the tears just flowed. precisely, i'm a bubbly person. how did u all do that.. now and God.. i dont mean to curse. but WHY MUST U DO THIS AGAIN? everything u all said was right. i mean its true that i lose out in many ways.i mean i'm really just me as compared to her. i know u all didnt mean to say all those. but some just prick right through that fragile bubble..i wouldnt had minded the change.. but it was the change that happened too fast. less than one day was enough? i guess.. thats just how significant i was. i backtrack and look at these entries of a person's blog. i guess.. thats exactly how i feel. every single entry seemed like how i feel. i guess how u felt was bad too. i guess.. this should be what u really deserve. its painful to be stuck in that situation. i understand that theres nothing called a perfect ending. theres always a person who would be at a lost. yup. although.. i really wish to know whether the no came first or the thing happened first.. i guess.. the thing happened first. because.. it really seemed so. i guess its a blessing i didnt say the yes. i guess the yes was no longer important by that time...it doesnt matter or just complicate matters. nothing does. somehow everyone was right.. stop bothering to fake it.. just when i was really feeling better.. i had to learn this. really... its not what happened that make me sad.. its who and how fast it happened. i was caught unprepared. mentally weak and unprepared. thats y i burst out.. gene is right. own ppl now kena own. true wad. wad goes round come round. owned. things will really never be the same. how can they be. i guess serxing was right.. the 3 ppl i met in my life had been jerks. cant believe i was still arueing with her that the 3rd wasnt.. a moment ago i was still telling her..that the 3rd was different. mm. i guess. shes still right. why am i crying.. cos life is not fair? i really dont know. just full of lethargy. wheres the strength to go on..i hope this doesnt affect me. ya right. stop lying. for once its hard. is it worth it? no. but still it flows. gal ah. you're so dumb. why did i not listen to john? .. its no time for regrets. i knew it... i guess.. its enough for me. theres already the hardest barrier around me ever.the layer gets thicker each time i guess. okay. i admit it. i'm not all that strong. its a dumb day today. but i realised god did prep me. from the moment i pick up my friends ipod stupidly. of all things i had to hear that song. are u dumb or wad celeste. u pICK THE IPOD UP. i'm sorry to my class girls because with immediate effect i walked away from the table in the middle of the convo. sorry ppl. things just isnt smooth in my life now. *prays* this bubble is broken once again.. how.. why is it that fragile... once again.. is it worth it? .. mm.. for one.. it really hurts..is it because i know the person? =\ nevermind. its all about fate timing and how things were handled. i'll repair this bubble myself. i'm just running out of time but i will do it. the least u can do.. is to make sure.. u dont ever repeat this... to her.

i lost it totally today.

gene,kelvin,guang.
i really know it wasnt on purpose. really sorry for losing my cool there.
i guess u make me realised something. i'm not all that strong.
but yup, thanks.


hereby.. i apologise for those who caught me when i spaced out.
not answering u when i'm distracted,
looking a bit lost..
because..
i guess...
i am.