Battlefield of the Mind.

Your mind is the battlefield. Thats exactly what is going on in my life. Friday i went to pj after work to pop by elects camp. Had a great chat with Ms Xiao and Mr Tong about teaching. They made me seen alot of behind the scene things teacher does. Of course all these made me consider more about my decision after receiving NIE's letter. Sidetrack a little the chat i had with Nicholas and Mr Tong changed my impression of City harvest. On top of that it really make me thought about how a church should not focus on the numbers (ppl attending) but on the hearts of the ppl already attending the church.


Saturday...

It was tution then to pioneer for elects camp.. LONG weekend i was going to have. During tution especially the p6 girl...(aka has a super stubborn and irritating attitude/ stubborn and everything), i just suddenly thought of this sentence "bless the child". i prayed a prayer while trying not to blow my top at the P6 girl who refused to do anything during tution. To my surprise after some soft-approach, she actually started doing her maths quietly (or maybe she realised i dont seem to scold her no matter what whinnings and refusal she gave that she just gave in) "Bless the child " i saw it on my kindergarten grad cert when i was packing it last night, i heard it once this morning and i heard it once during sunbeam. I just got this "feel" of wanting to take NIE up and on the bus journey to Pioneer from tution i was so determined to do so.. believing thats GOD's plan. Ironically.. when i reached pioneer and had another chat with my teachers.. this idea started waivering again. As the pros and cons were weighed, suddenly i just felt so uncertain once again. Knowing that going into NIE technically means selling myself to the govt for the nxt few years too.. its a big decision. OF course trying hard to concentrate on the camp events as well as to juggle this thoughts was a big feat. =) Met SW,Edi and... Xian Ming (i think) for dinner as i went out of camp to take a break. (gosh.. i practically ate dinner listening to army stories).. hah.. but took my mind of thinking.. Doing sharing session and night walk for our 8th council really bring back memories.. i miss college. really. Wishing the 8th council all the best~



Sunday

This is one tiring weekend. Camped in Pioneer, woke up.. ate breakfast with 6th council, left to go home and prepare for church. Sermon today and for the past week had been talking about God's purpose and plan. Today during sermon, my mind fought a fight. I could feel a very disturbed heart and mind. I felt so irritated hearing about God's purpose and plans because deep inside i know i DONT know how to find that despite searching for so long. I must admit its one of the times i listened to a sermon and i was fighting away my negative thoughts, trying to keep awake and still keep my faith... Its the high fustruation of wanting to know whether my decision that i would make soon is God's calling.. As Joshua's sermon went on i felt my emo going higher and higher... oh man.. indescribable fight of my mind. With the battle going on, the sermon ended. LOL, this is where GOD prevails. Its a very random statement that jolt me back to God. Kelvin said he was going to breakthrough weekend. LOL. its a long story behind that statement but that instance it just came to me that.. God had started paving the path.. He would never give up on us. and He would show us His plans for us to prosper and let everything happen in His time. Its not that i didnt know this.. i just had to be reminded and reminded. This journey seem so hard. But trials are what make us stronger.. although this calmed my mind but not totally. What really make me amaze is when i met up with my class. Jing gave me a book she bought from US. "Battlefield of the Mind:

Your Mind Is the Battlefield.

worry, doubt, anger...are attacks of the mind.

Gain control over ur mind..

Recognising damaging thoughts and stop them from influencing

Be patient with yourself even when you make mistakes

Thanks Jing for the book, it came at such a time which i felt so inspired. I was just wondering why this book at a time like this on a day like that. =) I only knew that God was answering to my desperate prayers.. I will carry on and wait patiently with faith, Lord..