iVAn pinK(he declares not pink) room 

hApPy BaDaK! 

BirthDay surPrisE cakE foR iVan-badak 

heh.. excel day GRouP. 

at fajar sEc 

Ms Kelly Chong -Gp teacher~ 

boo.

thank u ming jie..=D it helped. it made sense too. as always.. yeah.moe excel fest successfully ended. rushed back to school for invest prac but it was already oVEr..yup.scanned ard.. but no one seemed free..yeah.mummy was busy..ahyi ah ma..was gg hm ba,fel was busy playing cards,lunch buddies busy kicking soccer..serxing was at town.called gene and he sounded tired.. yeah. so decided to just loiter myself..yupyup. need to rejuvenate the remaining 1/3 of moodswing left... walked till Cashew garden.. to find a swing! lol. yeah. from school i strOlleD there neh! rah. independent. i'm trying to! but i realised... its too late~. lol. rah. now that mj had consoled 2/3 of my troubles.. who's going to help me with the other 1/3?? ha. no one can help la.. well.. anyway.. came to post alll the pictures~~! GERMANY must win~ i played a game with teckminG! germany must win~

rant rant rant....

....i declare tired. had a long day.. and i know my mood did not get better. its one of the times i didnt really bother hiding my mood. by the end of moe excel fest and invest prac i was already half zombified. just tired, fustruated, troubled at Goodness i dont know what.. its just the u know something is troubling u but u dont know what. i didnt bother to smile much already by the end of the day. too tired. just when i was walking home.. jun hao's message came in.. of all time.. of all momment.. "Never say u're happy when u're sad,never say u're fine when u're not,never say u feel gd when u feel bad...* what a timely message..i just did all of above. sometimes his daily smses seem to come at the right time..mm..i still felt the same though. i just felt like throwing my bag..just felt like throwing my tandrum to the aIR,shouting at the air, just suddenly felt like going to my old house there to sit the swing.. yah.. i used to go there whenever i'm feeling down.. den i'll swing suPer high sUper hard hoping to feel better after that. nah. it was late. i dragged myself home with a super aching headache, fustration, hunger.. irritation..just stopping myself from swearing only...this is the start.. i know.. its just the start. its going to be a long week ahead.. and i know i should go through this myself..beginning to think i should isolate for a week. i didnt feel like replying smses. its not cos i dont want to its just i dont want to be mean. i know that with a mood like that i'm just going to rant and rant and rant...i did hope you'll be there.. but i just .. didn't feel ranting at u.. yeah..guess i just pretended as much as possible that i was fine.. i never did believe the ability to influence anyone ba.. maybe thats y i dont try to say anything even though i'm quite tempted to. took this survey today.. results was celestine had high people smart percentage but low myself smart. maybe that explains why i rather keep things to myself rather than saying? i'm in a super lousy mood.. i really wonder what would make this feel better..dont feel like talking to anyone dont feel like going for invest prac tml..dont feel like gg moe excel fest.. maybe its that splitting headache that is influencing me..(dont worry la.. judging from ben ren character tomorrow i'll still go looking alright). i know i can easily find lunch buddies to cheer me up..its not that u cant cheer me.. u're probably the best person to.. but i guess all the more i feel the hesistance to ask u to do so.. rah..its true lah.. its hard to start relying on something.. for the fear that one day i'll be over reliant.. maybe that creates the fear..yeah..independent. i thought i've debated and concluded myself on that? hai si jue de yi ge ren ku.. hao guo da rao bie ren.. =X sigh. john gg dota.. ah gong.. hopefully should be free tomorrow or not..mm.. once again..reliant on buddies' crap.. to stay a little happier..nah..i guess.. for once i should try to calm down myself.. go Interact and rant at the air aka san xing somewhere..feel like taking a bball find a court and just shoot non-stop..yeah..used to do that.. b4 going for moe excel and invest prac again tomorrow bah.. another long day..i'm feeling better ler.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to BADAK HIPPO HEHEBEI MA IVAN~ hehe brother... hope u liked the surprised we plan for u today.. u was touched yah?

everything came back to me. the same feeling. the lack of confidence.. the feelings i long forgotten how it felt. suddenly i just felt it. i hate it. its gg to come more the nxt few days when i get my results.. i hate it. i really hate it. i hate comparing. that nagging u gave just brought back my fear.suddenly that same feeling. no one will understand. i realised u never understood how its like to study. i wonder if u ever understand how i felt. i'm scared too. just because i look happy go lucky doesnt mean i dont care bout my results. i'm stressed too what. i just dont show it in front of anyone.. i hate it. i just started pouring again. the last time was during common test when i got my results.. a sense of dejavu... arGH i HATE COMPARING. ya..RAHHHHHHHHH ..... i HATE it that its raining.. over my bed.. i had a great day earlier today. but i've no mood to blog it now...supposed to be doing the script for excel day and a card for my friend..RAHHHH! God bless me through the nxt few days.celeste.. be strong.. be independant... its time u realised u cant rely on anyone..

TimE to thiNK

WeLL.. weLL... its time to start thinking about manY issues i'Ve chucked aside for the Hols so as to concentrate on my studies~. heh.. well.. sO many of them.. mymy.. where should i start. Firstly.. to serxing meiyi sam... meet up sOon k?... to Jun Hao,Jin Hui,JiaMin,SuXian,bballers..bp councillor.. miss u all.. to ZiChun whom i met during the hoLS. heh mISs your crap totally..!! yup! u made me say take photo in hokkien before u would take picture with me!! which u know my hokkien suckEd so i didnt get to take that pic with u =( heh.. meet up soOn i hopE! to jin Hui and lala whose birthday is coming..meet~! yup.. to 106,204,304,404... miss them too. TO heW yiN hou~ thanks for the short chat on msN.yup.blessed blessed blessed to know you. to edison di~ u disappEareD! to 05s12.. lets strive hard.. to ppl like Shirley,Yi Han,Gim,felicia, norman,zhanyue,ivan fiq... sorry for the ps here and there! lets strive hard for excel day!!!yupyup. thats for all the ppl i missed loads. phew..just chatted with this friend of mine.. =( felt a little sad.. brings back memories..i remember the times where the fear of when might be the day we lose u.. whether the toilet break might hurt u,whether u walk along the road and ... whether u do the things we worry about at home.. whether the nxt day we wake up and u'll be gone.. whether the nxt pe lesson u feel faint again.. whether u would hurt yourself when we aren't around.. whether your chinese grades would pull u down..yup.all those worries.. the chat with u.. made me felt.. maybe one day u'll no longer remember us..i didnt dare to ask what exactly happened.. but.. u told me your memory is failing.. i pray everything is all right.. i pray that the decision we make in the past was right.. i pray that u would not blame us for telling ur mum..its just the fear we had that made us do that.. mm.. i really hope u donot do the things u do still.. i still have that poem u sent us.. i wonder if u still remember.. anyway no matter what.. we'll always be here.. no matter what..! mm.. raine.. been long since i chat to her..wonder how is she too.. yupyuP! i thought of mingxuan recently too. when are we going to visit his grave =X no one is free to go now.. but i must always proclaim.. you're still always in our hearts on my mind =D and i know you're safe in God's hanDs! *yup..you're NOT forgotten* thats y i say.. now its thE tiME TO THINK! mm.. so many things.. well.. aha! i just had a lunch outing with JohN bUdDy cos guang was not free! heh.. we chaT alORT..but something u said spark my thinking about..somETHING. oh well anyway.. John 67% and growing..GO GO! =D heh.. yupyup.. its really nice havent a bunch of very good buddies like them.. LOL. can chat and cheer me up. i used to have zi chun and edi to crap last time. but they all seem busy now! ah.. yup.. theres still the forbidden issues i refuse to think about.. i mean..maybe its refuse to think bout it.. or i'm just being me.. i know running away is noRt a solution as my Biao jie will say.. but.. =X argh.. if i think of one i have to think of the other~ these two issues seemed link... ha.. i dont know.. i only can say.. i'm onE confused girl in that area.. suPer big dilema myself.. so.. how? =X God enlighten me. EnLighTen mE! heh.. but... i do have some contentions...somehow.. i feel.. we have the same character.. but doesnt that make me not ready for one? lol. i thought i concluded that i wasnt ready. because of my character noW!! now 2 of the same character might be worst? but den again.. two of DIFFERENT character is disastrous.. *as proven* ... LOL. Celeste.. Gives up.. time to think? bullshit la.. heh.. exam ended! curses excel day though.. sigh.. but oh well... TOMORROW GOING OUT WITH LUNCH BUDDIES =D sunday going out with pro co.. friday investiture practice... wheee.. im sO looking forward to them.. who wants to think *roar*.. celeste... over... and... out... oops.. cant deny i HaVe to think.(sAd ah.. GERMANY AND BRAZIL IS OUT!!! who shall i support now) =pP peoplE watch the match today!!!!!