*tired*

Heyx. i'm back to update! yup. today has been just a mentally tired day for me. well. yup. its the release of the A level results. Must be thinking what A level has to do with me right? oh well. ALOT! my chinese results are out. well, actually.. i really dont know which was the bigger fear.. i had a very big fear upon going to school today. not really knowing which was the bigger fear.. the fear of seeing people or the fear of seeing the paper.sigh. by the time it was after school, i was already having the fear chill =X luckily my really nice 05S12 ate lunch together.. taking my mind off everything. =\ i cant really describe how i felt today. before the collection of results it really seemed like i was having 'senior"phobia.. plus that butterflies flying in my tummy about my cl results. sigh. being in the super hot hall waiting for the results to be announced, i looked around..and tried not to feel scared. yupx. sigh..sigh..*cant describe how i feel* finally the results ceremony started.well, looking at the list of top students.. 3 distinctions- Darius Koh (wah.. really impressed and motivated by how u made the improvement all the way since promos! i want to follow in ur footsteps) 3 distinctions- Goh Jenn Yang(yup.. really glad to see his name there though it was expected.) actually this two were the only people i knew. yup. *sigH*.after the results session, i rushed back to my CT class to get my results.. *look* i'm really disappointed in my results.. really really. was really feeling just so crap. after that i went back to the hall.. really glad to see so many happy seniors..of course with some crying. it really make me think like what mr tong say in his blog.. "will it be you or will it not be you".. admit it. i'm really scared.as much as i do not want that to be me.. i got really demoralised by my cl. that aside.. i really didnt know which was worst..walking past without stopping to talk cos i really dont know how to.. or my piece of cl results that i've been clutching.. *argh*.. went to talk to Mr Yeo Gng sng,Mrs Chua and Zhan Zhi*cough*. of course, after thinking, being troubled, stoning... i've decided to retake my chinese. yup. if you're reading this.. let me emphasise I CHOSE TO RETAKE MY CHINESE..
here.. i just want to thank this very special people who helped me through my troubled day.....
starting with Mr Yeo Gng Sng (for the wonderful practical advice), Mr Dennis Yeo (for saying "go retake go retake"), Mrs Chua Ting Ting (for the insight on whether to retake), Zhang zhi lao shi(for making me WANT to prove u wrong.. and well.. maybe for ur discouragement *bah*),Serene and Felicia Goh (for being concerned),05s12(for being my best class), Yixin(for running around with me to find teachers and all the motivation),John(for saying u'll "cover" me when u knew i was =\), Joseph(for the "supportive sms") and his doggy(for being on my phone and pei wo study),Eugene(for the concern),Felicia Yeo(for ur concern),daddy soon leng(for saying u'll wait for my cl lessons to end in the future),mummy karmun,ahyi lai lai,ahma lishi,maid suzzie(to all of u.. thanks for the concern seeing my troubled blankout face in mpr3 just now),i think i missed out alot more..but i'm having a mental block now.. to everyone who care~ **to all those mentioned above.. i just want to tell all of u.. u've given me great motivation to get through this.. i'll work hard and get a better grade.. i wouldnt want to disappoint anyone of you. especially my lao shiS minus one*cougH* =)
~~~ Celestine's paradox of stress:Even though you feel stessed,you still feel like u're slacking~~
i'm not sure if my decision is really right.. i know.. i'm just taking the easy way out... =X