*bah*

i'm tired. its tiring. mugging is hard. focusing is hard. i dont want to lose focus. but things just keep coming. i thanks everyone for the encouragement. but i'm still tired. i walked home from school today. everything else seem blur. i only focus on road 1/2 a metre in front of me. the people round me seem blur, the road the car.. the trees.. everything in a whirl. or maybe its just me. thats how i walked my way home. my phone batt died on me b4 i walked. i never bothered to charge it. i never bothered to on it. this seem childish. but i came home and i hid my phone under my pillow. i hate my handphone. i know that means not replying a few people. but i dont want to see my phone. i pretend its lost. i dont care. its lost in my memory. physics paper tomorrow. i want to focus. i'm fustrated. or maybe its just pms. but den again its too fast for that. i'm tired. tomorrow's physics. i'm only half confident. my mind is disturbed.. den again, i lose focus. why must this happen today? i dont want to lose focus. its not that the things are not there. the memories are, the thoughts are. i'm just chucking them. i'm just forcing myself to focus. i dont want to lose focus.using studies to drown myself. or maybe just indulging in it. why must this happen today. its paper 2 tomorrow. i need to focus. i seem to repeat this line. maybe cos i'm convincing myself. i know out there many people is encouraging me. but today i'm just mentally drained. this is so confusing. this is so hard. this is so messy. its messing my state of mind up. still, i must focus. everything is so so so draining. focus focus focus. sorry for making you all worried. i'm just down for a day. i dont feel like talking to anyone. i dont think anyone really understands what i think. okay. or maybe i'm just stubborn. yeah. i'm just a selfish person. i just want to focus on my studies. yup. i'm selfish. i'm tired. i dont want to think. maybe kaiyin is right. its my fault. maybe yixin and joseph is right, i shouldnt blame myself. maybe mel is right i should focus. maybe maybe maybe. dont hold on. hate me. i think it'll be better. i'm not in any state to reply. i'm just sian. ah. dont talk to me now. DONT TALK TO ME NOW! *fustrated* sorry. sorry. sorry.