a lousy way to end youth sunday (read with a pinch of salt)

while some parents see GOD first, mine just dont happen to do so.
sometimes i just get really envious..
really really envious of being able to be a second generation christian.

What would it be like growing up in a christian family?
How different would it be?

GOD i really hate the burden of carrying my parents salvation.
sometimes the burden is so heavy that i feel myself blaming and hating You instead.

While on one hand i had a wonderful youth sunday, i didnt really have a good ending.
The moment i stepped home i heard these voices:

"waste time"
"spend so much time in church"
"you got better things to do"

coupled with the thoughts i had last week, i felt very upset and irritated.
wasnt it something i struggled since sec 2?

Lord, when is it going to end?
How is it going to end?

Just when i decided to catch up with my sleep and rest,
i had to be dreaming about this,

i dreamt that i invited my parents to one of the outreach services just as i would usually do so,
my mum had convinced my dad to come along but he was quite unwilling.
they came but the moment he reached church,
he said "this is a waste of time" and he convinced my mum to go back home.
I remember going back home with them instead.

Why? Why does it always seem to be like that even in my dreams?
It sometimes makes me hate my dad to be so passive and hindering.
So basically i didnt really have my very good rest.

I wanted to leave the house for a walk after dinner, didnt help with all the naggings again.
I know it really isnt edifying for me to give such attitude,
but im tired of trying so hard but it still doesnt move much.

im angry at my parents - not edifying
Im angry at GOD - not edifying

I hate it because this is almost the thing GOD has caused my tears to shed so many times since sec 2 because i always asked GOD why not christian parents, why give me the burden, why?

and so these are just rants and should be ignored.
okay. i know there are answers to all the things i said above but for now i just feel like ranting
because im just being defiant.
after all its youth day.