Fustruations only GOD understands.

Havent been back for so long. Only because i wonder where all my rants went usually.
today i just need to rant somewhere.
For once i feel i couldnt rant out loud because somehow it gets misunderstood.
Rants. Rants. Rants.
how come i couldnt think of anyone i could rant to?
I only can find GOD and secretly my blog.

tired tired tired..
u dont understand.

why do i feel quite unappreciated?

was i like that too when i was doing my own 5/10 weeks?

Need time off with GOD.
because when i refuse to share or rant out loud, it only hardens the heart.

exams =p

Haha.. i know most of my friends probably gave up reading my blog =p So i shall just blog for the fun of it.. well fun in some sense ...

i guess i've been too busy to keep up with the hobby of blogging.
too busy to rant.
too bust to do things.

Busyness isnt the best excuse for everything.
while i am being so busy studying, i pray my friends would all be patient and wait for me =)
i promise to try to be a better friend after exams.
a better cg mate
a better child
a better friend.

=) Exam stress are definitely cramping in.
need prayers =)
Thanks.

a lousy way to end youth sunday (read with a pinch of salt)

while some parents see GOD first, mine just dont happen to do so.
sometimes i just get really envious..
really really envious of being able to be a second generation christian.

What would it be like growing up in a christian family?
How different would it be?

GOD i really hate the burden of carrying my parents salvation.
sometimes the burden is so heavy that i feel myself blaming and hating You instead.

While on one hand i had a wonderful youth sunday, i didnt really have a good ending.
The moment i stepped home i heard these voices:

"waste time"
"spend so much time in church"
"you got better things to do"

coupled with the thoughts i had last week, i felt very upset and irritated.
wasnt it something i struggled since sec 2?

Lord, when is it going to end?
How is it going to end?

Just when i decided to catch up with my sleep and rest,
i had to be dreaming about this,

i dreamt that i invited my parents to one of the outreach services just as i would usually do so,
my mum had convinced my dad to come along but he was quite unwilling.
they came but the moment he reached church,
he said "this is a waste of time" and he convinced my mum to go back home.
I remember going back home with them instead.

Why? Why does it always seem to be like that even in my dreams?
It sometimes makes me hate my dad to be so passive and hindering.
So basically i didnt really have my very good rest.

I wanted to leave the house for a walk after dinner, didnt help with all the naggings again.
I know it really isnt edifying for me to give such attitude,
but im tired of trying so hard but it still doesnt move much.

im angry at my parents - not edifying
Im angry at GOD - not edifying

I hate it because this is almost the thing GOD has caused my tears to shed so many times since sec 2 because i always asked GOD why not christian parents, why give me the burden, why?

and so these are just rants and should be ignored.
okay. i know there are answers to all the things i said above but for now i just feel like ranting
because im just being defiant.
after all its youth day.

God is good

God is good :)
I prayed hard and He was willing to give me what I wanted.
God, thank u for such grace :)

I'm posted to Fairfield Methodist school primary!!
It was a scary wait for posting since it is like a posting some sort 'for life'. :)

Thank you God.
Now I'm waiting for my grades...
Waiting for the even bigger decision
out to the world or back to study.
This affects my spiritual journey altogether.

So if God willing... What would it be? :)

oh well the only downside,
no one is going with me.

I hope that doesn't mean I eat alone.
Haha. Any lunch buddies?

God is love

:) I was reminded to grow in patience understanding and love. Was reminded after hearing today's mothers day sermon.

In all relationships we tend to feel hurts that we carry and baggage along if no one reacts in love.
I was reminded be it with my parents or with my friends
in situations when you don't seem to understand
in situation when it seems you can't comprehend
there is a reason behind.

Our parents don't scold us for no reason,
our friends don't shun away for no reason,

but unless you choose to react in love and show more understanding, instead of reacting in resentment and feeling hurt,

I was reminded to turn to God for that perfect love
so that I will have a bigger capacity to understand and love people around me.

During the sermon they said
the closer the person,
the greater hurt you feel when the person does something that hurts you

I was reminded this sermon
to love unconditionally despite being hurt
because if you choose to resent and ignore,
things only get worse.

God, I shall intentionally choose to pray and love others.

Anyway
Thank God for reminding me.
Love my family,
thank God for mothers
happy mothers day!

That's what friends are for

I learnt something new that I can't fit into my vocabulary.

What's the definition of friends?
I thought it was someone to grow and walk with you thru ups and down.

Today I learnt a new definition of it.
The totally opposite of the above sentence.

I guess if that's ur definition of friendship..
Then okay... It's understood.

Sometime it makes me wonder whether there's a line for sharing concern for your friend. On some days, you wonder whether it is worth caring for your friend and yet receive unequal treatment. Although Im very much tempted to say it's not fair and it's not worth doing so. But, I know while I'm angry and irritated, my definition of friendship should not consist of not worth and not fair.

On one hand, I shall intentionally still choose to care and show concern as much as I can.

But if this is the way friends are treated,
then I realized maybe

It wasn't even a friendship to you.


I remember Kester saying if we move out of Cefc,
we'll miss alot of friendship and bonds made.

I ask myself,
what kind of friendship?

Having blogged all these, I probably should be ignored because I'm just feeling the unjust of maintaining a froendship.

God give me the wisdom and love please...
Or maybe I should just ignore it and pretend that this is the right way friends are supposed to be treated
and that it is NORMAL

Distinction in God's eyes

Oh my goodness... Ya it's so OMG for me...
How many of you think practicum is coming to an end?
Nie trainees all raise hand
How many of you think you can relax this two weeks ahead?
Nie trainees all raise hand

my ct just called me, she said
'Celestine, we have decide to give you a chance for moderator to come in for your distinction. Of course, there are room for improvement here and there but we feel that your lessons are well planned and you have improved.'

To me, the moderator doesn't matter.
To me, after hearing what my cts said, that is already my distinction.

Thank you God for giving me this chance to be recognized.
I'm no longer concern about the outcome or the moderator.
I have got my distinction in God's eyes. :)

I fall in awe of an awesome God who covers me in all season.

So as I prepare for the as my supervisor describes as 'stressful moderator coming' period...
Please pray that I look to Him in all seasons.
Not to fear being judged by ppl but
remember my grades are lifted up to my great God

Practicum =)

my dear blog have the honour to be my listening ear today =p

Let me see!

Today i was reminded to give thanks for blessings that GOD give to me.
Being worried about my observations time and time again but GOD reminded me that whenever i do my best, GOD will do the rest. So, i should not be so caught up with results!

Today, i had a pretty good lesson observation and i would like to give the honour to GOD.

Of course and my super cute class =) haha a bunch a teachable cute kids =)
Totally enjoy teaching them!

Well, THANK YOU GOD for seeing me through this observation.

3 cleared 7 more to go. OH my GooOdness not even halfway there yet!

God i need more of your strength and power.
but
but
but,

through it all, i remind myself constantly,
results/ affirmation/ wanting to be "recognised" should be secondary
but

to do my best in what GOD called me to do!


Thank you GOD for constantly reminding me =)

The Promise

I love you
And I will never leave you
Nor forsake you
And I love you
And i will never leave you

you are my child
you are my child
when you're down
when your heart is broken
when no one seems to care
please know that I love you

cuz you are my child
you are my child
and i want to wrap my arms around you
and i want to wrap my arms around you
and say everything,everything will be alright

you are my child
you are my child
let me wipe those tears from your eyes
let me wipe those tears from your eyes

come to me
come to me
come to Jesus
come to him
come to Jesus
come to him

The lyrics from MERCY ME - The Promise

Until you suddenly realise GOD's love is the most comforting thing i own, i start to cherish that feeling so much.

GOD,

Thank you for loving me.
Thank you for your promise.
Thank you for comforting me.
Thank you for being there when i'm alone.
Thank you for letting every single word in this song comfort me.

what will i do without you.

.reality.

I thought...
I really wanted...
It's like a desire...
it's like a celebration i thought

but sometimes, you just have to let it go...

i thought...
I really wanted..
but i realised...
It isnt like i'm achieving something fabulously great after two years..
it isnt like i'm getting a cap..
it isnt that special that i'm finishing this season...
it's just changing season..
it isnt worth celebrating...
so

why feel a need to celebrate so grandly..
just move on to your next phrase of life...
so...

i let go.
they're nothing but just wishful desires.